They Are Taking Over the World

I am never disappointed by son’s ability to make me smile.  Yesterday on the way to take Lauren to school, Evan became extremely frustrated.  I could hear his heart rate increase from the front seat before he passionately said, “MOM, why are the bulldozers RUINING our world?” 

 

 

I laughed and explained that they are just making the roads wider and the roads will be much nicer once they finish.

He still didn’t find any humor in the situation,”Well their mommies must not have taught them to clean up their mess before they started something else.”

I was so thankful that I had just swallowed my drink of water because I have no doubt that I would have been wearing it otherwise.

The child is only three, but in our world he has not seen a road that leads to our home that is Construction-orange-free.  It’s sad to say… there are three different highway/main routes that we can take to get to our home and all three are under construction and have been his entire life.  So from his point of view, the machines are taking over.

Technorati Tags: bulldozers,boys,passion,road work,detour,toys

Belly Babble

Evan:  My Belly is talking, no it’s crying

Dad:  Why is your belly talking?

Evan:  No, it’s CRYING.

Dad:  Why is it crying?

Evan:  It’s crying for the ice cream store.  It needs more today.

(originally Feb. 22, 2009)

Never Say NEVER

For the most part I could say that I gave birth to two of the sweetest, snuggly, loving children.

I might add, who run VERY fast and love being chased.  His giggles while being pursued are the sweetest sound.

And who may someday be voted as the class clown.  She loves to see people laugh and will gladly act as goofy as it takes to bring smiles to those around her.

However, like every child they have moments that make me wonder what they are thinking, or if they are even thinking at all. 

Life with these two is constant comedy.

Recently I came across an old notebook with so many funny stories of the kids and lists pertaining to them when they were younger.  This one may make you giggle, just plain gross you out, or both.  Enjoy.

********************************

So me of these things I thought that I would never say because of the effect that these words had on me, others are phrases I thought that I would never say because I thought that they sounded ridiculous, and THEN there are the phrases that I thought that I would never NEED to say… or at least I hoped that I wouldn’t..

 “Evan stop licking food off your sister’s fingers.”

“Because I said so.” (The classic among all generations).

“Please quit trying to EAT the dogs ears… she doesn’t bite your ears.”

“I know you are tired when we get home you can take a nap, but there’s no reason to be overdramatic and lay down in the street.”  To which my child replied, “I DON’T NEED A NAP… just a very short rest time… like 5 seconds or so but NOT in my bed because I might fall asleep and I DON’T NEED A NAP.”

“Please take your feet off the table, we are at a restaurant.”

While eating lunch with my brother-in-law and one of his buddies, my husband, and the kids…

“Is HE Uncle ____’s boyfriend?”

“No sweetie.  Your uncle doesn’t have a boyfriend, just a girlfriend.”

After being bombarded with more questions at the table with her uncle and his friend directly in front of us, I whispered, “Shhhh, I will tell you what a girlfriend & boyfriend is later tonight.”  I was totally wanting to postpone this conversation until she was 18 years old!

“Please stop spitting your gum in my hand, please put it in the trash.  And please stop trying to put it my hair.”

“Please take the rock out of your mouth.  We don’t eat rocks!!  They hurt your teeth and you could choke on it.” (Do I really need to explain why we don’t eat rocks? seriously).  Just the thought still makes me laugh.

“Stop biting my shirt.  We don’t eat clothes.”  Once again, I am amazed that I have to tell them this… boys are so different from girls!

“I think that it’s awesome that you want to clean up the dog poo, but please use a poo bag or the shovel.  DON’T pick it up with your hands.”  This was my husband… just kidding.  LOL.  He’s going to kill me for that.

“Please don’t lick the spoon that we use to stir the dog food.”

“This is going to hurt me more than it will you.”

“Please stop touching your man-parts.” (I thought that I would have to say that when he was 12 years old, but not 2 years old).

Now that the kids are older, I have many new “Never Sayings”.  So I just may have to have a sequel to this post in the future.  That is, IF your stomachs can handle it.

Technorati Tags: kids,funny,parenting,never,Because I said so,poop,clothes

One hand tied behind my back

At this moment, I should be working on my client's book! But I can't. Yesterday was so much fun and my mind keeps drifting to all the silly things that the kids said and the funny things that they did. I had a house full of kiddos under the age of 4, and by house-full... I mean six (6) kids under 4 yrs old. It was hilarious.

My little niece & nephew came over to spend the day & play while mom & dad were working. We all love company, and Lauren & Evan adore their cousins.

Baby Taylor, she's kicking back & soaking up the sun rays. Don't let this picture fool you, she is the most smiley baby ever. She was just a bit concerned when my head disappeared behind the massive black camera. However, she does need to come with a warning. Babysitting her will make your insides tingle & give you the desire to have three more kids just like her.

It was such a beautiful warm day that we were able to spend most of it playing outside. I broke out a few bubble guns and bottles of bubbles for the bigger kids and we all had a blast. Jett enjoyed showing us all the "correct procedures" for operating the bubble gun. After we all graduated from his class we were allowed to play at our own will.

Everyone take note of this child. He will probably be one of our future presidents!!!

This picture makes me laugh so hard. Not only is it a cute picture of Jett but if you look in the background, this picture also BUSTS Evan. He was dumping bubbles in the dog's water bowl. (So they could all wash their hands... of course).

If we lived in a house that had VERY VERY soft water this boy would be in heaven. He loves that soft sudsy feeling on his hands.

Yeah, he knows that he was caught in the act. This cute little look gets him off the hook EVERYTIME. Especially when it is followed with " Mommy, I wuv you SOOO much, can I have a kiss pwease." Hook, Line & Sinker.

My sweet little Angel taking a break from playing in the mud to blow bubbles. (Don't all little angels play in the mud). While Evan loves washing his hands, if I gave Lauren a mound of dirt for her birthday she would be on cloud nine. I would get 4 best mommy awards for that!! (I get best mommy in the world awards for "fun days" and gifts... or just giving Lauren her way. This child is something else. Full of entertainment.)

We also had more cousins join us. This is sweet little Hayden, she is 1 and 1/2 going on 13. Since day one she has been the most motivated child I have ever known. She has always known what she wanted but would get so frustrated that she couldn't get it herself & communicate what she needed. Once she began to walk, her entire world & disposition changed because she could FINALLY meet her own desires & needs. She is always a blessing to have around & I LOVE LOVE that she makes her mom bring her WAY out to our house to play. She will wake up saying my name over & over & over until Kristen finally packs up the car & says ok, we'll go see Aunt Jessy. I get the giggles EVERYtime I think about her doing that to her mom. I love harassing & teasing my sister, and the fact that my little niece helps is the best gift that she could ever get for me. Plus I get the bonus of spending the day with all of them too. What more could an aunt ask for?? Little does Kristen know, but Hayden & I talk on the phone everynight planning this out. Kristen just THINKS Hayden is asleep in her crib. LOL. (Truthfully Hayden has me wrapped around her finger & she knows it)!

Now this little charmer is Koah. She is only two months old. Her mom, Kristen, feeds her buttermilk (not really), she is growing so fast and is so strong that it's hard to believe that she is so young. When I stuck the camera in front of my face she began posing for me. It was absolutely hilarious. I hadn't seen a two month old do that before. Her little personality was shining through. She is definitely going to be a little ham.

It was an awesome day. Kristen & I enjoyed watching the kids playing & having so much fun. I'm sure that Corey regretted having to go to work and missing out on all the entertainment. I'm sure of it.

Honey, Hide the lighters

Sticks & stones may break your bones, but this smell will flat KNOCK YOU OUT!

Walking into the room, I was hit by an overwhelming smell... it almost knocked me off my feet. So the question came out quick & blunt while I was gasping for oxygen.

Me: "What is that smell?"

Lauren: "It's okay, it was just bubbles from my booty."

Me: "You tooted?" (There was nothing that was OK about that smell).

Lauren: "No Mom, I don't toot anymore it was just air bubbles".

Embrace Each Day

Due to some Oklahoma Bloggers having a night out (Thank you Dawn's Diversions for organizing it), I have been introduced to some new blogs (new to me anyway) and one that I enjoyed immediately was Having a Ball. She posted a video that seems to have already made it around the Internet and somehow slipped by me.

It seems that God has been knocking at my door (& yelling through it ) lately, trying to encourage me in ever so subtle ways to EMBRACE EACH DAY!! This video was sending the same message and I got the message and I think that I just might be able to retain it for more than 48 hours. (That has been the routine in the past... I get the message, embrace, & slow down for about 2 days then life slowly, but surely, returns to normal).


I really have so much to say on this thought but I think that Lauren said it best as we stepped outside this morning to go visit her cousin.

"Hey Mom, look at this whole pretty world!
(Getting louder)
It's Pretty!! IT'S PERFECT!
(Hands held out high)
I LOVE YOU GOD!

I love her excitement and enthusiasm. Her zest for life and for this incredible world that God has put us on encourages me each and every day.

Of course this remarkably profound statement was followed by this one as we were then driving down the street behind a bright yellow van.

"Hey Mom, look at the van in front of us. It's not orange and it's not yellow, It's HOT yellow!!"

What can I say... it works for pink.

T.G.I.M.

Thank God It's Monday!!

I am exhausted! Throughout the week, life is busy with the kids but then when the weekend hits time seems to go into hyperdrive. I always thought that I was a pretty social person... until I met Corey. Between the two of us & the plans that we both make with our families & friends we are rarely home, just the four of us. I honestly can't remember... definitely more than two weeks, maybe three.

We both enjoy catching up with friends and finding out what is going on in thier lives or just visiting and joking around with family, but I don't think that either of us hold a candle to our little super-socialite daughter. Each day begins with, "Mommy who are we going to see today?" It's not about where we go, or what we do, or the experience because to her it is ALL about the relationship.

I have to say I'm sure that this is one of those times that God is pinching me saying "See, see... she gets it". So often I get so consumed with my LISTS (I love them) and tackling projects so that I can make our lives easier, cleaner, and more organized, that I forget what life is all about!

I have to stop and remind myself, "Self, if you were going to have a conversation with God is He going to ask you did you keep a clean house? ... NO

Is He going to ask me, "Did you get your house organized & make it a HOME?"... NO

Is He going to ask me, "Is your house decorated and aesthetically pleasing?"... Unfortunately NO.

I know that He is going to ask, if I loved others, if I cared for others (and not from a distance), if I took the time to listen and be there for them, and more than likely if he is going to ask about anything at all, it will be about the individual relationships in my life and about the time that I invested in each of them. What I did, and how I could make them better.

I know deep down that God could care less about my sock drawer and whether or not it is organized, even if it does make life easier when it's time to do laundry... if organizing the drawer is taking time away from the time that I should be investing into a relationship whether it be with my kids, my husband, my family, or friends. I know that I should pick up the phone and reach out more than I do and I guess I should thank my daughter for bringing that to my attention. God definitely knows there are times when I would rather just relax and read a book. While organization, cleaning, and reading are wonderful I probably shouldn't be doing them at the expence of a realtionship. I wonder if there is really time for everything?

This post comes with a warning label

WARNING: for those of you that have a weak stomach, here is your warning to pull up the trash can.

Corey thinks it's absolutely funny & is almost in tears every time he relays the story, but his stomach is made of steel.

Due to our ever-changing Oklahoma weather Corey's sinuses have been terrible for the last two months. He has tried everything and unfortunately did not receive any relief. Until about two weeks ago a patient walked in his door and told him about Mucinex nasal spray. I don't know who this patient is, but I envision them with a hallow and wings. If that kind patient is a reader, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. Anyway, while the spray has not removed his allergies it definitely has helped him to breath. The next morning, Corey was using the nasal spray and after carefully studying him Lauren asked, "Daddy what are you doing?"

Daddy: I am using this so I can breath better.

(After seeing visions of Lauren putting things up her or Evan's nose so they can breath better, I felt the need to make sure that she understood that this was special medicine).

Mom: Daddy's nose is stuffed up and he uses this special medicine to get the boogies out so he can breath.

Lauren took a brief second to process this then she turned to us & said,"You mean, so he doesn't have to use his finger?"

Christmas Spirit...

... we are still working on it.

When it comes to helping others, Lauren runs to the front of the line. She LOVES helping and giving things to others. But at Christmas, the one time of the year that we are supposed to give, she only thinks of receiving and what Santa is going to bring her.

We were shopping at the store and purchasing a few last minute Christmas gifts for nieces & nephews. While standing at the register, Lauren asked "Where are MY toys". I responded by telling her that we don't buy Christmas presents for ourselves that we buy for others and give gifts to OTHER people.

She gave it another shot, "Please."

"No Toys, besides you guys haven't exactly behaved while shopping today. Lauren was smashing Evan in the cart and he was being fussy. You guys know that I'm not going to reward that behavior. Why would I want to buy toys?" I explain to her thinking that she knew the rules and couldn't argue with that.

I underestimated her though she turned to me with her cutest face, head tilted slightly, "Well Mom because you LOVE me and I LIKE them."

My first thought was, she's only 3 and knows how to pull my heart strings... I'm screwed. Of course, she did NOT get a toy, but she did get a good laugh from me. Her little wit amuses me to no end.

The pregnancy epidemic

About six months ago... It's a question that every parent fears. "Where do babies come from?" For me, when the question arose it felt like something out of a horror movie. My heart began to pound like the hooves of a racehorse and my thoughts were racing through my mind... which story should I choose. I thought back (yes, WAY back), to what my mother told me... OH DEAR LORD... no way, that version was entirely too graphic and disgustingly detailed. It sounded like she was reading it from a medical journal. So I went with the stork version. She laughed and didn't believe me, but the distraction worked. I dodged that one... now hopefully it won't come back up for 15 more years.

About three months ago... Corey, Lauren, & I had to go to the dermatologist for our annual skin checkup. Unfortunately we were both blessed with beautiful skin that loves close attention from a doctor and we passed that on to our lovely daughter. Knowing my husband, I scheduled our appointments together so he couldn't sneak out the back door or just find something else that HAD to be done at that specific moment. So Lauren was lucky enough to have front row seating while I had a mole removed from my belly. (I was sad, it was a dark freckle that looked more like a beauty mark, I thought it was cute. AND I'm not fond of being cut but it was potentially a hazard to my health so it had to go).

The following day... I was taking Lauren to the park and in a sing-song extremely excited voice, Lauren exclaimed "Mommy, you're going to have a BABY." Since God has gifted this little girl with the ability of knowing things that she shouldn't KNOW yet, I was amused and ready to hear what she had to say.

Mommy: "Why do you say that Lauren?" (Dreading that her next words would be that my belly was getting big... I gain 5 pounds and she notices).

Lauren: "Because Mommy, I SAW the doctor put the baby in your belly yesterday."

Mommy: "OH So that's how babies get in your belly... well I thought that the doctor was just removing a mole for Mommy."

Lauren: "No Mommy, he took the mole & left you a baby... and it's going to be a girl so that I can have a sister".

Mommy (Totally waving my white flag; she is very strong-willed and doesn't give up easily so I've learned to pick & choose my battles. If I fought them all it would be difficult to hold onto my sanity) : Honey, Daddy is the only man that can give Mommy any babies and I think that he already gave me the ONLY two babies that he had. And I love the babies that he gave me because they are the best. (At this time my fingers & toes are all crossed in hopes that she accepts that and we can move on).

She didn't say anything else & I thought that book was closed.

A month ago... we were all gathered around at my parents home with ALL my siblings & their spouses and my brother. My brother was watching Corey & I with our nieces & nephews and asked us if we were going to have more kids. I said no and left it at that... But Lauren couldn't. She piped in saying, "No, they can't have any more, Daddy has had a vasectomy." At this point, all I can say is THANK GOD I had just swallowed my drink otherwise it would have come flying out of my mouth. Everyone around us erupted in laughter... just hearing the words from a 3 yr old's mouth and knowing that she understands what it means baffled them all... and me. So much for the stork or the magic dermatologist stories.

In all honesty, I can't blame the girl for being curious. She is only three. There are ten, yes you read correctly... 10... little cousins under 4 yrs old. So in her little lifetime, she has always had two to three pregnant aunts & mom at all times. There has not been a time in her life where at least one of the adult females around her were not pregnant. So the curiosity is justified. But then yesterday I looked in the backseat and saw this...

Lauren was sitting in the back seat with her belly all poofed out and she was rubbing it as if she was pregnant (and sucking her thumb... and no I did NOT rub my belly & suck my thumb while I was pregnant. At least not at the same time. Just kidding).

So I asked her what she was doing and she told me that she was "just rubbing her baby" . I couldn't help myself... "well honey I hope you can be patient because you have to wait for 27 more years AND until you are married before your baby will be finished growing. With a sweet smile Lauren just responded, you're so silly Mommy. I laughed & said no I'm SOOOO serious.

Disclaimer: I know that I REALLY need to start carrying a camera because the camera on my phone just really doesn't do "life" justice... but it's better than nothing.

Your body is a wonderland...

I try to be careful about what music is playing when the kids are around. Just the thought of my kids singing some of the songs that play on the radio makes me cringe... for example Crazy B*&%... yeah, words like that are not something that I ever want to hear my innocent Lauren say, sing, or even think. I do want her to remain innocent as LONG as possible.

Recently she was walking around the house singing Your Body is a Wonderland. At first it caught me off guard and I didn't know what to think about it. Her little voice made the song adorable and I definitely didn't want to say ANYTHING to discourage her from singing. So I struck up a little conversation with her:

Mom: Lauren, your voice is so beautiful... I absolutely LOVE the way that you sing that song.

Lauren: It's my favorite.
(This must mean David Cook has received the boot. She used to be his No. 1 fan).

Mom: Oh yeah? Why is that?

Lauren: Because it's about the fair.

Mom: (More than a little amused) Please tell me more.

Lauren: Well my throat is the water-slide...

Mom: A slide?

Lauren: yes MOM... you are so silly. You know the RIDE at the fair. And my tummy is the Tilt-a-Whirl (one of her favs) spinning 'round n 'round mixing up all my food.

Mom: Of course! Silly me. Your little body is a wonderland (amusement park, fair).

As she was walking off singing the song, I was trying hard to conceal my laughter. The way her little mind works cracks me up. I love how she understands (and misunderstands) what people say, including me. (Her version is ALWAYS better). The world through her eyes is definitely a BEAUTIFUL and LOVING place. I am just thankful to be a part of it.

(To hear her song, click on the link below... and type in John Mayer)

Always aiming to please

I recently found an old notebook with a few stories of funny & cute things that the kids have either said or done. I hope that you enjoy them. Here's one:

Evan was thirsty and asking for some juice and after hearing the request Lauren agreed that juice was a great idea.

My leg was cramping from running with the kids earlier (My body is trying to tell me that I am getting old). So I pleaded with them to "Just give me a minute please, then I will get juice & pineapples for both of you". Also secretly hoping that the idea of pineapples would buy me a few more seconds to rub the cramp out.

Lauren jumped up & exclaimed, "I'll get one for you." I assumed that she was still talking about juice, so I said again "Just a minute please."

So she walks over to Daddy who was watching basketball on TV and asked him, "Daddy will you get Mommy a minute so she can get us some juice."

We both started laughing and enjoyed her sweet heart and loved that she was so eager to help in any way that she could.

Aquaphor, The Cure-all (another funny)

My daughter has had eczema and lovely skin reactions since she was just six months old. In our march to find out what has happening to our baby girl... our first born... my world, we went to multiple doctors and received many "possible" answers. Our answers were numerous prescriptions, creams, lotions, baths, oils, steroids, and a possible ritual dance. And we tried everything! Finally still choosing not to give up the good fight, we marched her into yet another doctor's office. Lauren jumped up on the table and waited for the doctor, she is a pro by now... quizzing me about all the tools in the room and how they are used. (She could teach a few things to some med students). This doctor explained that often eczema is brought on by an allergic reaction so he sent us off to an allergist. I was so excited... another "possible" solution.

This time wasn't like all the others. After we went through the dreaded testing process (they drew her blood not the pricking skin test), we found out that she is allergic to bananas and egg whites. Yes, bananas and egg whites. Bananas are her favorite snack and eggs... we would eat them in at LEAST one form once a day... scrambled eggs, french toast, pancakes, cookies, cake, just to name a few. The information was very enlightening and saved my daughters skin and my mind.

Lauren is very logical so the transition from eating her favorite things went much more smoothly than I had anticipated. Maybe the sores caused her so much discomfort that it was worth it to not eat the food... I hope not. I hope that she just understood that it was better for her. In the mean time our new and now cherished doctor has given her some steroid cream for bloody breakouts & told us to use Aquaphor for dry skin. I don't know about other mothers out there, but Aquaphor to me is like Windex for the Greeks. It is the cure-all for everything. It was the ONLY booty cream to help diaper rash without encouraging a skin (yeast) infection and it is a great moisturizer for my all too dry hands. (I'm constantly washing dishes) and not drinking enough water. It has become one of the items that I don't leave home without these days.

It doesn't matter where we are if she has an itch, she wants to break out the cream & take care of it right away, and she is very informative in telling all those around us what she is doing and why.

A few nights ago I had the opportunity to babysit a friend's babies while they went out after a wedding and Lauren absolutely loved being a "little mama" and helped me take care of the little ones. When the baby had a little diaper rash, Lauren was only too happy to jump up & exclaim, "I'll get the AquaPOR, Momma". She really does have such a sweet, sweet heart & loves to help others. She makes me proud.

My ode to Aquaphor ends as we were entering the post office a few mornings later and I had a little dry spot on my cheek, I wasn't wearing any make-up and vowed to put moisturizer on it as soon as I returned home. Lauren watched me closely, studying my every move... finally she asked, "What are you doing Mommy?" I explained that I had a little dry spot & that I was putting some cream on it so that it would get better. My son chimed in, "boo-boo". Glad that they got the concept and happy that we could move forward without having to go into it any further we got out of the car & headed into the post office.

As always when we go anywhere, it seems we found a line. Lauren doesn't mind this, she enjoys meeting new people and looks at these lines as a great opportunity. I was proud... they were actually behaving in line today. After a few minutes, the man standing in front of me stated that I had cute kids. This break in silence caused more people to stop and admire these little beauties. Lauren loves to make people smile and thought this was the perfect moment to break the ice & for us all to get to know each other. She decided to share first... "Guess what, my mommy wears booty cream on her face." She succeeded.

Wise Words

I have learned that I have to be very careful about what I say as well as others within a 1 mile radius (my daughter has impeccable hearing). I have many stories that I can list here and most of them seem to occur in check out lines. To fix this situation I have decided that online shopping will be the answer for the next few years. So when I was forwarded this joke it made me think of my beautiful kids and I had to share:

The Sermon

I think this Mom will never forget: this particular Sunday sermon...

'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face, 'Without you, we are but dust....'


He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'