So often you meet those people that seem to have it all together. They appear to have the perfect marriage, the perfect kids, the perfect well… everything. For me, it’s those people that I second guess the most… I mean seriously if someone is trying that desperately to cover up the imperfections then I can’t help but wonder how bad it really is. My heart goes out to them and I want to comfort them.
Then there is the other extreme, just throwing out all your dirty laundry for all to see. While that can cause some complications on its own, I can only imagine that it would be therapeutic.
My husband is the first type and I used to be more of the second type. However after almost five years of marriage, I probably fall in the middle. I don’t blog about my marriage unless it is good and paints him as a saint, but all the rest is out there for all to read. Out of respect to him, those are the boundaries that I have chosen. I am not trying to be misleading, but there are some things that should stay behind closed doors (good and bad)… so to speak. I have had a few anonymous emails lately with questions regarding my relationship with Mr. Incredible, and I will answer all questions with these statements.
He is the man that I chose to marry, the one with who I want to spend my life! I was very selective about this choice. I dated, and searched for “Mr. Perfect for Me” for years. I dated many amazing men, but it was only him that convinced me that he would be the husband I wanted, a good father to the children that I wanted to have, and a friend and partner for life.
To sum up the answer to three other questions, yes, of course, there are days that I feel hurt and alone. I also know there are days that I know that I get on his every nerve… I can tell by the way his eyes are rolling in the back of his head as I order salad instead of lasagna or pasta while trying to watch what I eat. And of course, we get on each other’s nerves.
There are times I think that he has driven me insane and times when I think that I’m about to drive him just as crazy. It isn’t always “perfect” but it IS always real. I would much rather have a REAL relationship with someone and know that they love me for me and know where things stand than a superficial one and always have to play a guessing game because my other half won’t tell me what is really going on with them.
However, at the end of the day, we love each other and wouldn’t want to live without each other. I am not here to paint an unrealistic picture of my marriage. Just like any other marriage ( I assume, this is the only time I’ve been married), it takes work on both parts to have a successful marriage. Just like any relationship, friendship, or job, you have to invest time, energy, and thought into your marriage to strive for success.
Most importantly, for me, it takes a lot of prayer. Prayer that I make the right choices, that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing to be a good wife (after all it is my actions that I am responsible for… not his), and prayer for perspective… I pray that God will show me the perspective that he wants me to see. When upset, I know that it is hard to see your spouse as a good & loving person, but when you ask that God reveal your spouse through his eyes then you are able to see them in a completely different light and sometimes it will remind you just why you fell inlove with them in the first place.
So the answer is, “Yes we do have a REAL marriage, with ups & downs, and I love him more today than I did the day that I said “I do”.